Sorry, Tea Partiers: Obama Isn't Resigning Over "Benghazi Revelations"

30.84K

Hudson Hongo

09/09/14 03:30PM

Filed to: bad satire

Last week, the Internet's right-wing rejoiced after a report came out titled "Obama To Resign January 1st Amid New Benghazi Revelations." According to the article, reporters at Fox News successfully negotiated for the president's departure, having obtained a video proving he "intentionally ordered key security personnel to leave" before the 2012 Benghazi attack.

Naturally, conservatives circles all but exploded in celebration, sharing the story over 50,000 times. As a poster to /pol/, 4chan's "Politically Incorrect" board, put it, "OBAMA TO RESIGN JANUARY 1ST IT'S FUCKING HAPPENING."

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: OBAMA 2 RESIGN, CALLS USA HEROES "BUCKETS OF PAINT". SAY NO TO RESIGNATION MUST BE IMPEACHED. http://t.co/ibp1IpYaJj
— Tea Party Army® (@TeaPartyArmy) September 9, 2014

http://t.co/eB2S5m0mwv YES! YES! OBAMA IS OUTTA HERE!!
— Bob Billbury (@BobBillbury) September 8, 2014

http://t.co/3Vaj68UR1I Bye, bye, Barry, you fake POS.
— Ricard Colon (@RicardColon) September 6, 2014

Unfortunately for Obama's opponents, the article is completely false. It was published by known shitbirds National Report, the psuedo-satire site responsible for recent news hoaxes like "Vince Gilligan Announces Breaking Bad Season 6" and "Ferguson Gang Leader Admits 'Eric Holder Paid Us To Start Riots." Furthermore, back in August, the Republican-led House Intelligence Committee absolved the Obama administration of any wrongdoing related to the Benghazi attacks.

In their defense, some readers were skeptical of the good news. As one Free Republic poster noted, even if the president did resign "he'll pardon all blacks in prison, parole, jail and probation before he leaves..."

[ Image via Twitter]

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The following replies are approved. To see additional replies that are pending approval, click Show Pending. Warning: These may contain graphic material.

234

DeusEXMachinaKinjaEdition Hudson Hongo 09/09/14 04:08PM

I am really curious about the murder of 300 million US citizen. That would leave only 16 million people. I know traffic has been lighter in DC recently, but I just assumed it was due to Congress being on summer leave.

82

CapitalistWarMachine DeusEXMachinaKinjaEdition 09/09/14 04:12PM

It's from a right-wing loonie meme from about a year back, something about Obama wanting to detonate a nuke over the U.S. and have the EMP knock the U.S. power grid, so we'd all starve. Which Obama would want, for some reason.

18

ohtoronto CapitalistWarMachine 09/09/14 04:14PM

He'd want it to because he's in league with anti-colonial Kenyan nationalists. Duh.

5

DeusEXMachinaKinjaEdition CapitalistWarMachine 09/09/14 04:14PM

He has access to the "Nuclear Football." He must be really insidious if he wants to just emp us so we starve instead of actually killing us all.

37

caekislove DeusEXMachinaKinjaEdition 09/09/14 04:14PM

STUDY IT OUT

100

UngratefulDead Hudson Hongo 09/09/14 04:08PM

Wait, Obama ordered the death of 99% of all American citizens? I would have expected that scandal to get a little more play.

50

toothpetard UngratefulDead 09/09/14 04:10PM

And I'm still waiting, having cancelled all my afternoon appointments.

30

DeusEXMachinaKinjaEdition UngratefulDead 09/09/14 04:12PM

Don't be preposterous. It is only 95% of the population.

50

╰(　´◔　ω　◔ `)╯< Woke and Boke UngratefulDead 09/09/14 04:12PM

Are we the leftovers? Is everyone else dead?

*looks out window*

FUCK.

13

CJ dot co UngratefulDead 09/09/14 04:13PM

NOT IN THE LEFTSTREAM MADEA!!

23

dvdoff Hudson Hongo 09/09/14 04:10PM

Good one! Now how about the missing 11 airliners stolen from a Libyan airport that Boston Herald "columnist" and noted lunatic Adriana Cohen claimed were stolen last week and on their way to destroy Boston on September 11? You know how many old white people between the ages of 55 and 85 are shitting bricks in this town because of this vacuous moron, whose only journalistic credentials are that she raises a lot of money for Scott Brown?

1

stacyinbean dvdoff 09/09/14 04:12PM

How did I miss this?!?!?!?!

4

kathotdog dvdoff 09/09/14 04:19PM

I need to know more about this!

7

dvdoff kathotdog 09/09/14 04:22PM

Boston Herald 9/4/14 "Islamist terrorists have not only taken over the major airport in Tripoli, they've also reportedly stolen 11 jetliners officials fear could be used to strike the U.S. in another 9/11-type of attack that could be timed for the anniversary next week." -Adriana Cohen

7

kathotdog dvdoff 09/09/14 04:26PM

I guess we'll see what happens in two more days. Tonight I will be attending Tim & Eric & Dr. Steve Brule at The Moore and having some Sweet Berry Wine, I am just going to live it up until then.

27

Global Beet Hudson Hongo 09/09/14 04:08PM

Bob Billburry is the most appropriate sounding name for a conservative. I don't know why but it just is.

19

kareema Global Beet 09/09/14 04:15PM

Dick Dingleberry would be better.

43

Cog in a Granfalloon Global Beet 09/09/14 04:45PM

Because it's folksy and honest and plain, like a hobbit at a cross burning.

5

Global Beet Cog in a Granfalloon 09/09/14 04:47PM

Yep, I think you nailed it. It has an "aw shucks" undertone to it.

2

WeaselsareUs Cog in a Granfalloon 09/09/14 04:56PM

Best comment...ever.